Sunday, 13 December 2015

Some Day It May Happen (A Little List)

(After Gilbert and Sullivan.  Original can be heard here.)

And also Twitterists: I've got them on the list.

As someday it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a little list. I've got a little list.
Of education offenders who might well be underground,
And never would be missed. They never would be missed.
There's multiple intelligences, learning styles and thinking hats.
Emotional intelligence, indulging little brats.
And then there's brain gym, Opening Minds and everything like that,
Competency-led learning and kids just chewing the fat,
And teachers who on letting them find out themselves insist.
They'd none of them be missed.
They'd none of them be missed.

Chorus:
He's got them on the list.
He's got them on the list.
And they'd none of them be missed.
They'll none of them be missed.

There's SMSC, PSHE, Personal Development
Sex and relationships. I don't think they'll be missed.
There's character and discipline, British Values and Prevent.
Resilience and grit. I'm sure they'll not be missed.
Then Mickey Mouse qualifications, Media Studies and the Arts.
Who cares for creativity when you've got progress charts?
And Her Majesty's Inspector whose little sideline giving hints
To clueless senior managers is earning him a mint
And in his mind the lofty title: educationalist.
I don't think he'll be missed.
I'm sure he'll not be missed.

Chorus:
You may put him on the list.
You may put him on the list.
And they'd none of them be missed.
They'd none of them be missed.

There's bitter secret teachers who air laundry in the press.
And the futurologists. They never would be missed.
There's sour Secretaries of State who blame us for their mess.
Progs and traditionalists. I've got them on the list.
Then the techno-multi-billionaire with his philanthropic bent.
Who turns to education in denial his talents are spent.
And nasty middle managers whose teaching is the pits,
Who fill their observation sheets with huge and floppy... Ticks.
And who on close observance must be either stoned or pissed.
I'm sure they'll not be missed.
I'm sure they'll not be missed.

Chorus:
He's got them on the list.
He's got them on the list.
And they'd none of them be missed.
They'd none of them be missed

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